this is it

I can't hold it anymore
all these feelings
trying to be free
waiting for the explosion in just mere seconds

Wait
I know
Why don't i just die?

Why don't you die for me?
That would be fun
It would be exciting

Just Imagine
All those blood that you spill
will make a beautiful ocean

All those feelings
will be gone for eternity

But then again,
do you know who i am?
An unidentified person?
an unexplainable feeling?

Stay focus
I'm not real
I'm just an imaginary thing
Vanishing toward the light

Good bye
I will take care of her

Once

Once, I thought, a never land is not real
Once, I thought, there are no such thing as friends forever
Once, I seek, a kindhearted person
Once, I knew, all of my dreams are useless

Twice, I keep, moving forward
Twice, I felt, so uneasy
Twice, I knew, my life is horrible
Twice, I thought, everything is just a game

More than that, I keep, falling apart in front of everyone
More than that, I seek, happiness that will never be there
More than that, I knew, I can feel very down

Now, do as I told
Now, make me calm
Now, make me smile

Then, I'll never be a normal person anymore

To that clear blue sky

Lately, when I am staring at the sky, I often think about my life. I thought that what would I do if the world is changing while I'm still here, waiting to be free? I never found the answer up until now. Yet, I keep staring at the sky, hoping that my wings of dreams would take me there, soaring through the peaceful breeze.

Lately, I have some brilliant ideas, about how to define myself and be a better person. I thought that every time I stare at the sky, they are lending me their hand, making me want to fly. I want to see the sky right in front of my eyes, very wide and touchable. At times like that, I feel like I'm more closer to my dreams and felt very calm.

Lately, I can feel the darkness raging inside me. They are begging to come out, making me deeper into my heart distortion. Yet I believe, the magical stars are on the work. They keep me accompanied every time I'm lonely. The night sky is very beautiful and have this elegant aura all around them.

When i look at the sky, I keep my eyes closed, listening to the sound of music, made by the nature itself. When I try to reach the sky, I keep jumping up and down, stretching my body more and more higher than before. When I see the moon, I keep my eyes wide open, enjoying the starry night with the beautiful moonlight. Ah, it's so beautiful.

Nothing

Really, when you wish upon a star, what is it that you seek? Can you see what you wanted to have all this time? Is it really me that you wanted to have? All of these questions are inside my head. All of them wanted to get out of my head and I wanted to scream. What am I?

I'm not like an ordinary girl and not a human that you think I should be. Do you ever thought that you are seeing an illusion? Seeing someone who is manipulating you? Do you see me? Do you hear me? Why don't you touch me?

Every day I look up into the clear blue sky. But what I can see isn't a beautiful blue with beautiful sun rays, I can only see the black and the gray, shimmering through the yellow sun. I wanted to run and catch you. But, is it possible?

I wonder, do you love me? A sinner that will always hurt you. I'm not what you think I am, I'm just a passing sinner in this tiny world. Forget me. Leave me.

Stupid

I wanted to cry
I don't know where

I wanted to smile
I don't know how

I wanted to be free
I am tied by my words

I have so many adventures
I am stuck at this room

I wanted to be with the sun
I am tied by the moon

I wanted to be in the beautiful light
I am imprisoned by the darkness

I wanted my heart to be graceful
Violence are laced in it always

I wanted to say something nice and relaxing
No one would hear me saying it

I wanted to change
No one will ever care

I wanted to die
But there is so much to try

Do you all hate me?
I can't say a thing about my past
I can't say a thing about my feelings
It hurts so much